![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dynamite_ladyOriginal article here.
'1: No.' Because 'children should never say no to adults' could never go wrong, right? Oh, wait. I can think of examples from my own life where that ingrained lesson has made things harder and nastier, and those aren't the worst case scenarios by any means. After receiving comments the author makes a point to distinguish between an adult exerting legitimate authority and one acting inappropriately - my point is, how easy is it for a young person to distinguish, if 'never say no' is the default?
'2: Just a minute.' Now this is another I used to get into trouble for saying. And sometimes I was just being legit rude and wanting to keep doing something more fun than the thing my parent wanted me to do. Other times I was doing something time sensitive - yes, sometimes it was a computer game or similar, but 'just a minute' was the difference between crashing and burning and pressing the pause button. Or I might be halfway through feeding the rabbit a long bit of grass. Or just to get really TMI, I might have been doing a shit. (admittedly me as a meat-eater = one no2 a week and it was a lengthy and painful process, but even in normal circumstances this is a hard thing to interrupt.) Sure, her child can use his words and ask to finish reading, but give him a bit of dignity on the bog already...
'3: Yeah' Despite the author's aversion to 'no', apparently an affirmative answer isn't enough. It has to be 'yes ma'am'. (or 'sir') Seriously, I'm not 'ma'am' to most of my students, I can't imagine wanting to be called that by someone I pushed out of my naughties.
'4: I don't want to'. Sure, sometimes this is rude and narrowminded. Other times it's a legit reason. For example, there are certain people in my life I prefer not to engage in certain activities with (e.g. sustained drinking), spend extended periods of time with or generally have the quality of my day tied to whether they decide to behave like an arse or not. Sometimes 'I don't want to' *is* the polite phrasing, the alternative being 'X's behaviour drains my soul and I'm already a bit fragile right now so why the hell should I offer my remaining sanity up as a sacrifice to their ego?'
'5: I don't like this'. Now, I can see that the author isn't into forcing kids to do more than try the thing they don't like. But can I respectfully suggest that the put-it-in-the-fridge-for-kid's-next-meal-and-the-one-after-etc is more likely to give them continued nightmares about the said food and make it a Big Evil in their life, rather than encouraging them to try it? I hated tofu for my first few years as a vegan. Got the bona fide full-on shudders over the spongy white weirdness. I started to like it, not because the same plateful of spongy white slime was put in front of me at every meal until it started growing some home version of Quorn, but because one time I tried some off someone else's plate and, it having been cooked in a way that made it appetising, it tasted nice and had a better texture than any other tofu I'd tried.
'6: Nothing' I can't tell you how many times my life has been enhanced by saying nothing. Dude, even Etiquette Hell lady recognises the power of complete silence in situations where there is nothing constructive to say. And when I respond to idiocy with silence, you don't want me to break that silence until the perpetrator of the idiocy is out of sight.
'1: No.' Because 'children should never say no to adults' could never go wrong, right? Oh, wait. I can think of examples from my own life where that ingrained lesson has made things harder and nastier, and those aren't the worst case scenarios by any means. After receiving comments the author makes a point to distinguish between an adult exerting legitimate authority and one acting inappropriately - my point is, how easy is it for a young person to distinguish, if 'never say no' is the default?
'2: Just a minute.' Now this is another I used to get into trouble for saying. And sometimes I was just being legit rude and wanting to keep doing something more fun than the thing my parent wanted me to do. Other times I was doing something time sensitive - yes, sometimes it was a computer game or similar, but 'just a minute' was the difference between crashing and burning and pressing the pause button. Or I might be halfway through feeding the rabbit a long bit of grass. Or just to get really TMI, I might have been doing a shit. (admittedly me as a meat-eater = one no2 a week and it was a lengthy and painful process, but even in normal circumstances this is a hard thing to interrupt.) Sure, her child can use his words and ask to finish reading, but give him a bit of dignity on the bog already...
'3: Yeah' Despite the author's aversion to 'no', apparently an affirmative answer isn't enough. It has to be 'yes ma'am'. (or 'sir') Seriously, I'm not 'ma'am' to most of my students, I can't imagine wanting to be called that by someone I pushed out of my naughties.
'4: I don't want to'. Sure, sometimes this is rude and narrowminded. Other times it's a legit reason. For example, there are certain people in my life I prefer not to engage in certain activities with (e.g. sustained drinking), spend extended periods of time with or generally have the quality of my day tied to whether they decide to behave like an arse or not. Sometimes 'I don't want to' *is* the polite phrasing, the alternative being 'X's behaviour drains my soul and I'm already a bit fragile right now so why the hell should I offer my remaining sanity up as a sacrifice to their ego?'
'5: I don't like this'. Now, I can see that the author isn't into forcing kids to do more than try the thing they don't like. But can I respectfully suggest that the put-it-in-the-fridge-for-kid's-next-meal-and-the-one-after-etc is more likely to give them continued nightmares about the said food and make it a Big Evil in their life, rather than encouraging them to try it? I hated tofu for my first few years as a vegan. Got the bona fide full-on shudders over the spongy white weirdness. I started to like it, not because the same plateful of spongy white slime was put in front of me at every meal until it started growing some home version of Quorn, but because one time I tried some off someone else's plate and, it having been cooked in a way that made it appetising, it tasted nice and had a better texture than any other tofu I'd tried.
'6: Nothing' I can't tell you how many times my life has been enhanced by saying nothing. Dude, even Etiquette Hell lady recognises the power of complete silence in situations where there is nothing constructive to say. And when I respond to idiocy with silence, you don't want me to break that silence until the perpetrator of the idiocy is out of sight.