May. 31st, 2015 06:21 pm
dynamite_lady: (Default)
[personal profile] dynamite_lady
I came back here with the intention of posting a whole lot more often than I've managed. Because depression, then period, then cold that turned into something that knocked me out for a week, and back to fighting depression that was hiding in the background during other stuff. Not a helpful combination of factors, if by 'helpful' you mean 'not sabotaging my whole life', which I guess most people would. Doing Stuff in any form has been difficult lately. It's frustrating, because I was just starting to rally after the last bad patch, and that's always the way. Plus, yesterday's unfucking took more out of me than I thought it would while it was in process - too much emotion around a few papers.

After I posted last night I found some animal rights newsletters that I'd put together in the late 90s. They were pretty good. If they were written by someone else I'd have no problem saying 'this person has a good turn of phrase'. Obviously there's a fair bit of identikit AR-talk in there, but it's decent compared to some of the material I've mucked out of my study recently. (which is literate compared to a lot of what I see on facebook!) It was a thankless task at the time - I took over the newsletter a year or so after the previous editor had been kicked out of the group for embezzling, so 'newsletter editor might be embezzling' was ingrained on everyone's minds and my evil dickhead ex did everything he could to play on this so I had to bear a lot of financial costs of putting the thing out, people complained on the occasions a newsletter didn't happen but also complained at any imperfections when one was put together in a hurry, and about so much else. But it was a useful learning curve in many ways.

Today I gave the unfucking of physical space a bit of a break and focused on unfucking my life in general, specifically by applying for a couple of jobs that I thought were worth a shot. Amazingly this wasn't too horrible a process this time, so the motivation-killing part of my depression must be lifting a bit. I did finally crack open my Easter egg and had to bribe myself with a new teen girl dystopia e-book, both of which sap my big girl pants points a bit, but remember this was for TWO job applications in the space of an afternoon. Then I dragged my deskbound arse out for a twenty-minute walk to remind myself that sitting around at home isn't the default.

August 2016

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